Perfect Childhood ....

It is amazing how things that I thought were 'bad news' can actually turn into good things. It is really hard for me to see that as 'it' is happening, as I'm sure it is for other people. I'm really trying to open myself up to whatever God wants for me. That is really hard for someone who likes to have everything planned, everything in order, and everything controlled. I've never gone through hard times growing up. My parents were always together and we always had everything that we needed. I was good at school, good at sports, confident, and a happy kid. I never had grandparents, friends, or animals die. I never had someone lie to me, I never felt alone. I never had to grieve, never had to be disappointed, and never had "go through" anything. Why am I complaining? I'm not. My childhood was close to perfect. However, I never had to face any problems or any disappointments so NOW I don't know what to do. I completely flip out and cannot cope. I feel as though my life is spinning out of control when in reality it is just a little speedbump.

I'm not saying that I would change it ...that I would want to go through bad stuff as a kid so maybe I would be better at it later on if life. I'm not sure that it makes it easier. However, it makes me realize that people's lifes are unique. That everything goes full circle. The kid that has hardships growing up might be better prepared for the real world that is full of disappointments. Or maybe they lose faith in the world because everyone has let them down. That they believe everything is going to turn out badly so they don't even try. That their parents were 'not there' for them, treated them badly, disappointed them, and didn't care about their education. So.... they will follow that 'normal' example and do the same for their kids.

I'm positive that I'll try my hardest to follow my parents example and give my kids the most perfect life I can ... and they can just deal with the feelings of being overwhelmed and scared because they've never faced disappointment.

Now, I better send this to my mom so she knows how much I appreciate her giving me all those " I never...." statements listed above!

Expressing Myself

I just told someone (almost) everything I've been wanting to tell them for a really long time. It felt good to get it off my chest and to let this person know the way they were treating me. I hope that it gets better. But I'm going to continue to express my feelings to her each time she angers me instead of letting it bottle up. That is what she requested but I don't think is going to like it. haha.